what?

Well...all of my family has gone home for Christmas. This feeling just keeps getting wierder and wierder. My parents now ASK me when I'm coming home. i can go home or not go home. I can show up tomorrow (well not really haha) or in two weeks. Its very strange. I feel like this transition is simply me sitting in waiting room waiting for my name to be called. "tori. its your turn." Hahah. That really makes no sense, though because I get to do a lot of cool things. So, convince my mind of this, I guess.

side note: random fact: i'm very visual. i see things play out better than i can explain them. Ideas/concepts are shown in my head and I can't get out hahah...just look at the way i write lol And I think thats why I talk with my hands a lot...and one of the reasons I love music. you CAN NOT explain it. for real. Can you explain to me in terms that are very real and very evident and concrete that I should be able to hear a chord and hear all three notes and identify them and be able to sing/play them back in the same octave-what even is an octave? o gosh. music-such a mystery. and i want to keep it that way. I think that God speaks to me through music in intangible ways, and I can speak through it to other people and not be able to understand it-and I love that. I will never regret learning music theory or taking violin lessons (haha) but I really love not remembering some of the things that I learned. music. love. beauty. joy. in the soul.

whoa long side note...

...
Anyways, this weekend I'm playing for the Cantata at Lakeholm. This will be a completely different experience than last week! Wow-complete 180. I like that though. And my fingers have finally recovered from so much playing. Which means two things-one I play my electric and its harder to play, heavier...and number two-i need to play more..in general. I've done so much singing/piano-ing that I haven't done enough violin. Oh gosh-remember how you music majors will never stop being music "majors'-cuz you can ALWAYS be better. wierd. another thing i love about music. wow. anyways...

side note: there was a commercial that just sang a beautiful song that said "music saves your life" sigh....


Remember how i'm in love with music right now?
Thank you God for giving me that love that is gonna keep me going when I'm not sure what my life is about....or where i'm going......


sigh.

life......


enough for now.