Sometimes Christmas makes me cry

i'm emotional.

I have high highs and low lows.

I think sometimes i feel far too much and too deeply so i shut myself off and seem uncaring.

i need a middle ground.

Christmas is such a wonderful time and I'm a sucker for any Holiday movie, food, beverage, show, music, etc. Everything. I think what I love so much is the feeling of the holidays. Family loving a little more, friends caring a little more, Its cold outside so stores and homes are a little bit warmer, and theres plenty of hot chocolate to go around. mmmm. I can hear, smell, taste. and see Christmas everywhere.

I love that feeling. But then again, becuase thats such a high high, there comes the lows of realizing that I live an extravagent life. a life full of fun and laughs and jokes and time that i can do whatever i want. Yes, i work, but even at work, i'm not forced to get on my hands and knees for hours on end and do really hard stuff. Life is easy....

and that makes me sad. Why was i given so much?!! I dont deserve it. I disregard it and float by but what am i missing? Are the simplicites of a night spent on the ground by a dwindling fire and wondering where my next clean water is coming from, lost on me?! What do i do about that?!

Then i see adoption commercials on the tv and i cry. I just wanna fix the world. HOW DO WE FIX THE WORLD?!? Ok and i know that only the love of Jesus will save the world. cuz thats what we all need. SAVING. And i dont think it matters how rich or poor or extravagant or simple we are, we're all broken. I read somewhere that a lot of people dont want to accept Jesus as their saviour because 'they dont need a crutch' but if you're broken dont we need to be fixed!? Dont we need crutches if we cant walk on our own?! I love that idea that i read. We're all so lost and broken. But there is an answer.

And so i think thats why when i watch the news, my heart BREAKS. No matter the situation, people are desperate for saving, needing to be found and find a love that surpasses situation. ughhhghghhhh. THERE IS SUCH A THING AS PERFECT UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and its free.

I truly feel like love is the answer. Lately, my catchphrase is 'live love.' Our lives should be an expression of love. Someone said 'when you learn how to love, thats when you learn to live.' another song says 'and if you need love, take the time to be love'.

i need to live more like that. maybe that's how change the world. Replacing the uncaring, float by, easyway, and loving. loving a lot. loving unconditionally. listening. responding. helping. actually caring.

i dont know what a whole life like that looks like but i'm trying to find out.

hmm....

can you imagine deciding ON YOUR OWN to give up your one and ONLY son to die for a world that has forgotten how to love?!?!?!?! Or to be a 13 year old mom and have NOBODY believe that you were given a child from God himself, or the shame of Joseph for still wanting to marry that same girl?!?! it makes me wanna live life differently.

i'm not sure how i got from loving christmas to this topic, but i dont care. its blogging, people. hahah have a wonderful Christmas ok?! love somebody.

i miss....

hello

i wouldnt trade this year for everything. i've learned more about myself then any other year of my life. but....(hahah) this morning i've been thinking about the things i miss about my old life in mount vernon.

why doesnt someone tell you that when college is over all of a sudden youre pushed out away from all of your friends and into a strange new world and you have to CHOOSE something to do?! never in your life have you had to make such black and white choices-in my opinion. sigh. So, sometimes i feel like i'm wading in deep water. This is way more self-discovery than i ever had in college. Wayyy more. but its ok! I'm learning! ok....anyways....

1. Tim Hortons. Its 24 hours and always full of good conversation

2. random ensemble concerts and rehearsals. you know christmas is coming when you start rehearsing the Messiah!!!

3. Walking across the courtyard to just chill with friends. no plans needed. no driving. just hanging out and having random heart to hearts and/or just sitting watching hours of tv shows on dvd-for us it was gilmore girls. every season :)

4. Chapel. I miss the connection of really just taking the time three times a week to be among friends and learn about God. i miss that. a lot. When i go to church now its like i cant get enough and i want to soak it all in. i do LOVE my church though. love. like best ive ever been to. lovelovelove. side note hahah

5. Going to the chapel at Christmas. going up to the chapel ANY time and sitting at the piano with the lights low and just playing.

6. easton. i dont know why, but i miss walking around easton. we dont have a mall like that here in md. i want to try to get there around christmas and walk around and see all the christmas lights.

for now thats what i've been thinking about this morning.

i've also been thinking, this weekend, about what love is, and what it should look like, and what as a creation of our GOD, what i deserve when it comes to a future husband. Love. I think ill blog about that next :) I had major revelations.

hey. have a good day. if you read that and it depressed you, i apologize haha and once again i really do like my life now. just wanted to go back in ma mind.

love you.

twasout

monday.

hello,

I've decided that someday I want to be best friends with someone who owns a coffee shop. I will come in and get free coffee and get to sample new drinks. I'll even be a barista once in awhile. Isnt this the perfect plan??!

I've also decided that every year for the rest of my life i will carve a pumpkin around Halloween while drinking apple cider. I love tradition. I love it.

I've also decided that if I ever have a child, they will dress like a pumpkin for halloween their first year. My friend's baby was a lion yesterday-also acceptable.

The holiday season is basically here. The excitement for me is already here. This year will be a good holiday season. My parents, when i first moved home, said "just wait. we're really fun at the holidays" How cool is it that i get to spend the complete holiday season with my parents this year. That hasnt happened in five years. Wow. So, I think for many years, I"ll remember this year :)

Hey, I posted a few more videos on youtube.com/toriwithastar so go ahead and check them out when you have a moment. They're sorta soft, but just put your ear near the computer and go with it :) hahah.

Hey, I hope you're doing well and remembering to enjoy the clouds and the stars. They're full of promise.

twas.

10 things i know about me.

everytime i get super overwhelmed, i learn a lot about myself.
1. i like to be in control. ( i think everyone feels this way)
2. i am prlly gonna need someone to make a schedule for me and make calls for me and just tell me where to go when. haha oops selfish thought.

3. i like to get up early,when its dark and see the sunrise. its quiet. there's coffee. Its an innocent hour.

4. I dont like being manager because i never feel like i do a good enough job. i dont like letting people down and i dont like not being able to get everything done i need to.

5. i lovvvve my hair longer. i'm feeling extra creative with it. meaning, i'm going to get it done this week. officially.

6. i'm super lame. i wish all my friends were here in maryland sometimes.

7. i wish we could read each other's hearts like a book. i feel like i have so much to say but only so much time to say it.

8. timing is everything

9. i've decided i'm a morning person and a late owl. sometimes. haha. i like both. i just dont like the middle of the day. haha i'm an extremes gal.

10. the things i want and the things i NEED are different sometimes.

i hope youre having a great weekend. its the middle of my week. tomorow is yet another early morning, but my last one for a few days. holla.

if you wanna check out my new thang go to my youtube channel youtube.com/toriwithastar. nothing too exciting yet. just gonna sing.

loveyoumeanit.

twas.

september.

Somehow It became September 20th, 2010.

whhhhattt??

one of my favorite things about living at home is...

Grammy can do way more than she thinks. Today we made pie and stuffed peppers. What a good time together. She stresses because she thinks she can't do anything but its fun for her to walk me through making dishes that she's made her whole life. what a wonderful time.

This month i began teaching music to four year olds at a preschool in town. Putting music in simple terms is such a challenge. Most older kids and adults have some basic knowledge of musical concepts but to be one of the first to create an appreciation for music and a beginning knowledge of music to kids is such a gift i think. I really hope we can have some fun-so far it is so exciting to dance and sing and see who has a little more natural talent than others. you can see it soooo young. i LOVE that. i hope it can continue to develop!!!!

I'm still working at safeway. what a challenge. what an environment. sometimes i love it. sometimes i hate it. the end.

Church is also going sooo great. I love this Church and i really havent been able to say that for so long. The Pastor speaks truth in a way that everyone gets so much out of it and its the first church i've been to in forever that the people actually went there becuase of the preaching. Usually its either 1. the people or 2. the music. Everyone discusses the music,....but here people get a bigger picture and get a lot from the whole service. I lovvve being able to play there!

so...september. family. church. work. growing my hair out. ahhh. love. life. fall. pumpkinspicelatte.

loveyou.

august. my month.

here i am again.

august was such a good birthday month. i had five friends visit me-which is such a blessing considering i couldnt get out to ohio!!! such a great time! It made me not hate the age of .....24 for so much! haha Every year i always feel like my life is over when i turn the next age. how dramatic.

music is happening. i've sang at church twice this last month and am going to sing on sunday! (if you want, type my name in the search bar on youtube.com-my dad records my songs. lol). I'm loving my church. I love the friends i get to work with and i'm surviving my job.

Tomorow I start hanging out with the four year olds at my mom's school and i get to teach some music!!! This should be very interesting. maybe i'll dress like hannah montana hahhaha ;) We're going to dance and sing together, duh.

Well, i'm now the proud owner of a macbook pro. So, garage band has been put to use haha. i promise. I'm trying to figure it allll out. But i need to get myself in gear. I need to get serious about writing and crreating. sigh. yes. it needs to happen.

I think i'm learning a whole lot this year. i also think i'm pretty much over living at home. It works, and i'm so blessed to not have to pay rent-but....six years without this and to go back? not my favorite thing ever in the world. But i do love my family. I ADORE my grandparents and i am learning from them. i think i'm learning about marriage and relationships and love and support and sacrifice and compromise and loving the way other people need to be loved. so, lots of good stuff. haha

thinking about the future. i wonder where i'll be in a year. hmmm....

that's pretty much it. just an update. check out my facebook for pictures of my birthday month. :)

my heart is overflowing.

over. flowing.



clifffffhanger. :)

workin it out.

summer. My brain is running 2000 miles an hour. Yesterday i had to wake up at 5 am. As soon as I woke up i needed to change the world. I wanted to right all the wrongs. The thoughts that were screaming through my head were...... (here, i'll tell you. haha)

1. We can never get complacent. Been there. done that. We dont grow when we dont care. I really think God opens our eyes to what we need to work on at the moment and if we see that and embrace it and then.....change it! The thought of "i dont care" usually means that a. we care TOO much. or 2. we've gotten very far from who we are, if that makes sense, or what we used to care about. now, there are some things that we dont 'care' about but i'm thinking there shouldnt be that much. There is urgency in life. There is the matter of living life to the fullest and taking charge. Letting God lead, but really taking that lead and in little and big things, making the most of everything.

I think in college and right after i was living in fastforward and not thinking of how to better myself and become more Christlike-which is a daily process.

But...I dont think that everything needs to change at once. We live really fast, if that makes sense. We gotta slow it down. I really believe that. And we have to do it now. For me, the realization that i needed to 'become better' came when i realized i needed to start eating right nad excerisiing. Focusing on that one area of my life really helped me in my whole life. It translated into how to spend my time, how much sleep i got, how i felt, how i related to people, the confidence i saw in myself, i mean...it had so many benefits-still does. Now, physical appearance isnt that big of a deal, but the concept of choosing one thing to better yourself through does make your whole life different. idk.

My dad brought home a pamphlet about how thoughts translate into emotion. His company does wellness seminars (hahah i love that idea!). This was basically saying, a lot of people say they cant control their emotions, when their emotions are being triggered by events that happened and then the thoughts that follow. Anyways, just thought that was interesting. So, when i feel my anger coming on (haha) I really need to figure out why i let something get me angry. I"m trying to live by the statement, 'no one should have the power of you to make you angry'. I really think if i'm ok with who i am and i'm living the way that I belive i'm suposed to then someone else shouldnt be able to knock me over. Taht doesnt work in all situations, of course, because sometimes 1. we need to get angry and 2. sometimes the other person is right, but i'm talking about when someone offends you lor something like that.

why am i rambling?!? i was just going to talk about life. hhahha. but i like to blog. while watching everyday italian. hahah :) ahhhh cooking shows.

this week i'm manager of my seafood dept. ughhghg. so much responsibiility and work! I work every morning and have today off instead of tuesday. Today has been glorrrrious!!! When you work really hard, the time off is just wonderful. I laid in the pool, soaked up some sun, worked out, played some piano, ugh. glorious....

now what to make for my fam's dinner....


whoa. i'm sorry you just had to read all that hahha.


hope you're well and really taking a step back and thinking about life and the important-ness of being intentional :)

loveyoutwas.

fish tacos

in a few weeks i'm getting my macbook!!!!! let the recording begin :)

summer is blllazzzing. like hot. and my body can't handle it because i work in a fridge.

i saw eclipse. did i love it?!?!?!?! DUH. Best movie of all three. and howard shore did that score. duh.

i just discovered ben rector today. amazing.

i'm not hating work. i am hating the work ethic there tho. People think i work too hard and that i shouldnt care because i'll just be leaving and the next person can do the stuff i dont get to. if that makes sense. wierd. i dont like that.

i hope you're doing well.

i just got a new book in the mail. isnt that always fun??!?!

i'm going to ohio this weekend. to play at a friend's wedding. Thankfully, this is the last one of the summer. It gets very tiring.

i love music.

God keeps showing me how faithful He is.

more later. just some random thoughts :)

monday monday

clearly this month is having an identity crisis.

i'm addicted to cooking shows. i think its because i'm trying to learn how to cook by soaking up as much information as possible. i'm not sure that its working. but, i continue to watch.

i sang at a wedding on saturday. it was blazing hot, but i had a great time. I hadn't seen my roomate (the bride) in at least 2 years, and it was as if no time had passed.

dont you love when that happened?!

ethan, i'm back into writing ok? ;)

i'm trying to learn good habits this year. So far its really working. healthy eatting, sleeping, balancing things time-wise, practicing etc. We'll see how that goes from here on out.

i'm still OBSSESSED with reading.

my parents are gone and so i'm basically "at the grandparents" this week. I half take care of them, and they have take care of me. its cute and it works. we make it.

today, as i was listening to the radio, i decided that i'm over songs about sex and 'hot bodies'. get a new topic. thank you.

i got to swim for the first time this weekend.

i'm still working in fishville.

i'm still learning a whole lot about life. for example, after a certain age, its just not the optimum situation living at home. haha. it works for now, but how long will i be able to handle it?!?!?!


i hope you're doing well.

loveyou.
twas.

just for funnn.

hello.

lately, aka the last five months i've been just a litttttle serious in my blogs. so today, i thought i'd just thought i'd talk about everyday life. just some fun things that are going on. because, lets face it, my life is SO funny right now.

lets begin with the grandparents. when i moved home, i didnt just move back in with the parents. nope. my grandparents (my mom's parents) moved into our house six months ahead of me. My grandma and grandpa-grammy and pappy- are probably some of the funnnnniest people and some of the most Christ-like people as well that i've met. Pappy was a Nazarene Pastor if serving in the navy, being a teacher, on the school board, etc. Gram raised the kids and was a greaaat pastor's wife. They are SOOOO musical. ugh. GRam always talks about how she can no longer sing on key, but everynight we sing a hymn and everynight she sings alto perfectly. ugh. they couldnt sing off key if they tried. purely amazing. like...flawless musically. sigh.

Gram and Pap dont always get along. Maybe its from years of being together, duh, but they fight like small children. And i get to watch, because they certainly dont hide it from me. Everytime Pap leaves the house, he's gone for longer than he says he's going to be and Gram worries. He hears about it for weeks. The cycle continues. haha.

They are prayer warriors. I hear them pray everynight and never get tired of it. They pray for our family, for the troops, for the hungry, the enslaved, the hurting, every day! An example like that, wow.

Ok, that wasnt so funny. But i got thinking about them and thats what came out.

i need to tell you about my job. at fishville. hahah....It truly is funny. i wish you could be there. but now i have to leave.

this morning i took my grandpa to get his hair cut and he left there with a woodworking magazine saying that the owner gave it to him. hmm....

now, i'm going to help take gram to her doctor's appt before i had to work.


finding joy in everyday is ESSENTIAL to our lives. God created such intricate beauty for us to enjoy in nature and ourselves. ugh. LOVE IT. so thankful


this post became very strange. more later. i'll try to think of something funny :)


loveyou.

tor.

thunderstorms at midnight

hi. :)

i tell ya. this year. (shakes head)

i'm learning so much. and i'm not blogging. 1. cuz i'm tired. 2. cuz i'm just thinking so much all the time. its hard to blog about it all! ahh.

working at the store with a few people who HATE christianity, some who call themselves Christians, and others who are seriously trying to discover what life is about and what faith in God, or just...something, is what i've run into in the last few months. Never have I been in such a situation where so many people are hungerrrring so outright for meaning. At different ages and situations, these people spill their opinions constantly, question things, get mad, get even, love life, love family, get pissy quite frequently, think life is unfair...etc... I'm used to people hiding their problems and thinking "they're ok"

Sigh. and here i am struggling with purpose!!!! not that i dont KNOW that I have a purpose and I know that I want to follow what God has for me, but what does that look like?!? So....knowing that all these people i'm surrounded by neeed someone to love on them, makes me know that I"m where I'm suposed to be right now, at this moment in history (lol)

Summer is just about here. i'm SUPER excited. I love summer. The heat. Nature. Swimming. Vacations-or rather, for my family-daycations since I'll be working every second of everyday. hahah (just kidding)

I'm sure i'm just talking right now. for no reason. but know that i'm alive. trying to be motivated, but a little tired constantly. pray for me. and i'll pray for you. pray that we will keep the common ground. oops michaelwsmith moment ;P)

loveyou. and hope youre doing well.


tor

"If you start getting rid of all the crap in your life, you'll find all the good things that have been buried underneath."
(viaethanlong)

well...

life.
ever changing.
yet revolving like a door, hitting you with the past and pushing you towards the future.
all at the same time.

i now am a seafood clerk.
what i do doesnt define who i am.
i love the people i work with.
they challenge me.
inspire me.
show me a lot of things i wasnt getting being in 'the bubble'
real emotion. real experience. very different. dealing with drama head on a lot of times.

seafood. wierd. smelly-but not as smelly as i thought. cold-but not as cold as i had feared.

still writing. still hoping and believing. but now doing all that and making a little money. finally. to do something i dont hate-imagine that. and it feels good to get complimented at something other than music-as wierd as that sounds.

i'm just learning a lot. and so tired from working so i'm not on here much. but that needs to change. my thoughts cant freeze along with my hands-haha.

i like where i am right now.

There's You, holding my hand
and its You helping me understand that i'm made for a purpose,
though i dont deserve this
life that you've given me.
i choose to love You.
I choose to love You
because.
You loved me first :)

why. not what.

the why becomes the what. the why leads to the what.

a change of lifestyle.

why?

happy moments and paradise

Sometimes when I read a book.....wait, let me stop. I'm warning you. I get very caught up in stories. sigh...anyways...sometimes when I read a book and I finish it, my heart breaks. The book might end with two people falling in love or getting married (sorry, i read chicklit sometimes), and i read the last page, close the book, and my heart starts breaking. I can't decide if its because I've become too attached to the characters and I want to still be reading, or if its because I want a happy ending. If its because I want a happy ending, then shame on me. I dont believe that there is happy endings. I think there are happy moments and eventually a happy reunion in Paradise, but what is a happy ending? The stories "finish" but the people in the storie's lives continue (if they were real, haha). So, I think i'm latching onto what they're showing me is happiness-which isn't what my happiness is right now. But my heart still breaks. And recently (because of my caff-withdrawl) the breaking is lasting a few days. Actually, this is prlly because I just read yet another 15 book series. hahah... I'm dumb. But I loveeee stories.

I love love. I love moments. I love passion. I love learning and I love seeing relationships. Sue me ;)

Anyways, I just wanted to think through that. I'm sure there's more.

In other news, i did (yes) give up coffee and drinking caffeine for lent. Maybe I'll blog about lent and why I like lent but for now i'll simply say, I wanted to give up coffee because of two things. 1-i'm way toooo addicted. Its so unhealthy to be as addicted as I am. and 2. I wanted to show my suffiency on God and not on anything else. What a concept that I'm struggling with-as we all are. I am learning humans realllllly try to be sufficient on things.-themselves, substances, other people, achivements, moments, etc. I need to unpack that.

anyways....this withdrawl thing is kicking my butt. But i know, in the end, it will be a great thing.sigh. i know it. k?

i hope you're doing well and know that God made you beautiful the way that you are and you are made for a purpose. i believe that will all my heart. (yeah the broken one) ;)

more lata.





love.

What We Want by Linda Pastan

What we want

is never simple.

We move among the things we thought we wanted:

a face, a room, an open book

and these things bear our names --now they want us.

But what we want appears

in dreams, wearing disguises.

We fall past,

holding out our arms

and in the morning

our arms ache.

We don't remember the dream,

but the dream remembers us.

It is there all day

as an animal is there

under the table,as the stars are there

even in full sun.

from Waiting for My Life (1981)

lovvve this.

amidst the snow.

The snow is here. We have about 28inches.
.......more is coming tomorow. Probably 10-20 more inches.
epic.

My parents have been home for four days and probably will be here for the rest of the week.

I made a snow angel. There are pictures on facebook. Take a gander.

I don't feel so good this week. not discouraged though. just feel crappy.

Its Valentine's week. Its also the week of my grandma's birthday which of course..is Valentine's day! So, my grandpa is showering her with candy,chocolate,flowers,and balloons. very cute.

What else do I have to say?

Oh, i'm learning a lot about food, makeup/skincare, life, and music. interesting. I figured it was a good time to research and learn everything (hahah) while I'm home doing....nothing.

well, nothing really means I'm reading, writing, singing, playing a lot of piano, loving, starbucksing, trying to be healthy, etc. Its actually been quite cool to focus on things that aren't stressful for once. A big long break if you will...sabbatical???!?

I've been thinking about a lot of things but I have nothing profound or confusing to talk about.

ok. more later that actually means something :)

loveyouall. twas.

the move and ...forgive AND forget

I'm home. in maryland. I've been here for almost a month. I'm learning. A lot- about myself. I feel like I'm at the eye doctor and he's put that machine over my eyes and he's asking, "is this better or this? Can you see clearer through A or B?" I'm having to decide and to figure out how to see clearer and how I can make myself see clearer the things I need to see. I have days of clarity and others of confusion. But, through a lot of hours of prayer and thought and discussion I truly do think I will come out of this experience changed for the better. By this experience, I mean living at home, giving up some of my freedom, moving seven hours from my whole life.

Do I feel like moving was the best idea for me? yes.
Do I miss Mount Vernon? as a city-no way! The Naz- nope. The People-duh.

This move has really forced me to ask myself where I am going. Not just where I am going, but how am i going to get there. I think that has been the question that has plagued my mind for awhile now. I may have a list of things I would love to accomplish-but what do I do first?

So, I spend my days learning. I feel like I need to have as much knowledge in my head as I can right now while I have the time. I'm learning about vocal technique, piano technique, song writing, and about myself. (i'm doing other things too. but...whatever)

Anyways, something I'm really learning is how to live without regret and to not let things in the past make me feel bad about myself or to hold grudges/be resentful. Umm...this is challenging. I think in the past year all of my stress has turned internal and created a horrible little stomach issue. So, whats the solution? Tried the whole 'blame it on organs in el stomacho' route but alas-every test came back with nothing wrong. So, I'm assuming now that at least some of it has to do with internalizing stress. The sad part is-a lot of it was not my stress to begin with. Sigh...so here's my solution.

forgive AND forget.
...i might write a book on this. haha.

Literally, the only thing that works to move on from the past is to 1. forgive others and yourself for bad things that might have happened. 2. realize there's nothing i can do to change what has happened. 3. realize that out of everything bad that has happened, there is ALWAYS good. always. a lesson learned, a friend made, a desperation that brings us closer to God.

In relationships, I've learned that no one is perfect-not that i thought anyone was perfect, but I think i've been learning how to love people. I'm NOT perfect- if you know me, then you know that. oops. BUT I'm learning that people make mistakes and i can not expect perfection from them. When things happen or I get hurt, I can either stay upset and allow myself to hurt myself by keeping bad feelings inside of my heart, or i can literally forget and move on. I'm not talking about forgetting and naively treating people the same way and allowing myself to get hurt BUT...

what does it look like to truly love someone?
should you love someone who has hurt you multiple times?

i think the answer is yes. getting hurt is a part of life, and i'm still trying to figure out how to love in a healthy fashion, and maybe having realistic expectations and dousing your whole life in prayer and trying to regulate your emotions (haha) is the key. Knowing that no matter what happens that you can't control other people nad that yes, you probably will be hurt is something that will help. I look at life as this perfect thing and then when it isnt I just get pulled down. But we do know the perfect sacrificial love of God-the love that can keep us alive when there is nothing else to live for and nothing else that really makes sense. How many times, in Jesus' life, did someone betray Him? How many people in the world did He share God's love and truth with that didn't believe Him or later turned away? Well...how can i deal with betrayal, confusion, etc? The same way Jesus did. sigh. Its something I'm obviously still working on.

I think thats what life is about. Learning. Loving. Desperately seeking God. Knowing that the only way to live a full life is to love as much as you can and go after what you love...sigh.

more to come... i dont even know if any of this makes sense because I dont read over what I write.

so..here's to more blogging in 2010.


loveyoutwasofyourlifeout.