hello :)

Did i tell you i am the musical director for a local college's production of "Batboy"??!? Look it up. Its so interesting and the story breaks me heart. Sigh. An incredibly challenging task i've been given. yep. and on late notice BUT I will do it, and it'll get done.

So, i've added that to my life. i'm stressed. Pray for me ok?!

Today was 60 degrees and it literally made my heart just like have butterflies. wait, maybe thats my stomach. hmm....no it was most definitely my heart. Like a breath of fresh air into my soul. I needed it. When life becomes complicated, the simplest 'whispers' mean the most to me i think. hmm...

Its february. My valentine was a girl. I ate a lot of chocolate and once again i loved valentine's day until the actual day. then, i was frustrated. couples everywhere. men showwwwin off. butttttt i know someday it'll (maybe) be my guy buying me flowers. we'll see :)

i started a journal. like just for myself. not a blog. wierd. but i find it realllly helping me to just write and write to myself. my mom just found a journal. listen to this, on her 25th birthday she felt compelled to write a journal for one year. that was the year she met my dad! she just read it again for the first time and is going to let us girls read it when we turn 25. ew thats this year. gross. but, i'm pumped about it. thats not why i started mine by the way (haha) but i loved the idea. I want to be able to look back and see how far i've come and i'm sure i'll forget all the little htings i'm going through so that'lll be neat to look back. ahhh. can you believe the future?!

hmmm...

i really dont know why i just blogged. hope youre having a great night.

twas

201111111. here we are.

hi 2011. its tori. good to meet you.

here's a short little post saying hello. and yes. i still read blogs. i just haven't written one in awhile. shame on me. here's a listy list of things. later i'll post more ok?

1. i had surgery. two weeks off work. whoa. lots of movies watched.

2. i put up a funny video on youtube (youtube.com/toriwithstar). i laugh when i watch it. whatever that means.

3. i'm back to work.

4. i'm going to a musical director of a play here in md. so. ah we'll see.

5. it keeps snowing.

6. i'm exhausted. i hope i dont have the flu.

there you go :)

loveyoulots.twas.

Sometimes Christmas makes me cry

i'm emotional.

I have high highs and low lows.

I think sometimes i feel far too much and too deeply so i shut myself off and seem uncaring.

i need a middle ground.

Christmas is such a wonderful time and I'm a sucker for any Holiday movie, food, beverage, show, music, etc. Everything. I think what I love so much is the feeling of the holidays. Family loving a little more, friends caring a little more, Its cold outside so stores and homes are a little bit warmer, and theres plenty of hot chocolate to go around. mmmm. I can hear, smell, taste. and see Christmas everywhere.

I love that feeling. But then again, becuase thats such a high high, there comes the lows of realizing that I live an extravagent life. a life full of fun and laughs and jokes and time that i can do whatever i want. Yes, i work, but even at work, i'm not forced to get on my hands and knees for hours on end and do really hard stuff. Life is easy....

and that makes me sad. Why was i given so much?!! I dont deserve it. I disregard it and float by but what am i missing? Are the simplicites of a night spent on the ground by a dwindling fire and wondering where my next clean water is coming from, lost on me?! What do i do about that?!

Then i see adoption commercials on the tv and i cry. I just wanna fix the world. HOW DO WE FIX THE WORLD?!? Ok and i know that only the love of Jesus will save the world. cuz thats what we all need. SAVING. And i dont think it matters how rich or poor or extravagant or simple we are, we're all broken. I read somewhere that a lot of people dont want to accept Jesus as their saviour because 'they dont need a crutch' but if you're broken dont we need to be fixed!? Dont we need crutches if we cant walk on our own?! I love that idea that i read. We're all so lost and broken. But there is an answer.

And so i think thats why when i watch the news, my heart BREAKS. No matter the situation, people are desperate for saving, needing to be found and find a love that surpasses situation. ughhhghghhhh. THERE IS SUCH A THING AS PERFECT UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and its free.

I truly feel like love is the answer. Lately, my catchphrase is 'live love.' Our lives should be an expression of love. Someone said 'when you learn how to love, thats when you learn to live.' another song says 'and if you need love, take the time to be love'.

i need to live more like that. maybe that's how change the world. Replacing the uncaring, float by, easyway, and loving. loving a lot. loving unconditionally. listening. responding. helping. actually caring.

i dont know what a whole life like that looks like but i'm trying to find out.

hmm....

can you imagine deciding ON YOUR OWN to give up your one and ONLY son to die for a world that has forgotten how to love?!?!?!?! Or to be a 13 year old mom and have NOBODY believe that you were given a child from God himself, or the shame of Joseph for still wanting to marry that same girl?!?! it makes me wanna live life differently.

i'm not sure how i got from loving christmas to this topic, but i dont care. its blogging, people. hahah have a wonderful Christmas ok?! love somebody.

i miss....

hello

i wouldnt trade this year for everything. i've learned more about myself then any other year of my life. but....(hahah) this morning i've been thinking about the things i miss about my old life in mount vernon.

why doesnt someone tell you that when college is over all of a sudden youre pushed out away from all of your friends and into a strange new world and you have to CHOOSE something to do?! never in your life have you had to make such black and white choices-in my opinion. sigh. So, sometimes i feel like i'm wading in deep water. This is way more self-discovery than i ever had in college. Wayyy more. but its ok! I'm learning! ok....anyways....

1. Tim Hortons. Its 24 hours and always full of good conversation

2. random ensemble concerts and rehearsals. you know christmas is coming when you start rehearsing the Messiah!!!

3. Walking across the courtyard to just chill with friends. no plans needed. no driving. just hanging out and having random heart to hearts and/or just sitting watching hours of tv shows on dvd-for us it was gilmore girls. every season :)

4. Chapel. I miss the connection of really just taking the time three times a week to be among friends and learn about God. i miss that. a lot. When i go to church now its like i cant get enough and i want to soak it all in. i do LOVE my church though. love. like best ive ever been to. lovelovelove. side note hahah

5. Going to the chapel at Christmas. going up to the chapel ANY time and sitting at the piano with the lights low and just playing.

6. easton. i dont know why, but i miss walking around easton. we dont have a mall like that here in md. i want to try to get there around christmas and walk around and see all the christmas lights.

for now thats what i've been thinking about this morning.

i've also been thinking, this weekend, about what love is, and what it should look like, and what as a creation of our GOD, what i deserve when it comes to a future husband. Love. I think ill blog about that next :) I had major revelations.

hey. have a good day. if you read that and it depressed you, i apologize haha and once again i really do like my life now. just wanted to go back in ma mind.

love you.

twasout

monday.

hello,

I've decided that someday I want to be best friends with someone who owns a coffee shop. I will come in and get free coffee and get to sample new drinks. I'll even be a barista once in awhile. Isnt this the perfect plan??!

I've also decided that every year for the rest of my life i will carve a pumpkin around Halloween while drinking apple cider. I love tradition. I love it.

I've also decided that if I ever have a child, they will dress like a pumpkin for halloween their first year. My friend's baby was a lion yesterday-also acceptable.

The holiday season is basically here. The excitement for me is already here. This year will be a good holiday season. My parents, when i first moved home, said "just wait. we're really fun at the holidays" How cool is it that i get to spend the complete holiday season with my parents this year. That hasnt happened in five years. Wow. So, I think for many years, I"ll remember this year :)

Hey, I posted a few more videos on youtube.com/toriwithastar so go ahead and check them out when you have a moment. They're sorta soft, but just put your ear near the computer and go with it :) hahah.

Hey, I hope you're doing well and remembering to enjoy the clouds and the stars. They're full of promise.

twas.

10 things i know about me.

everytime i get super overwhelmed, i learn a lot about myself.
1. i like to be in control. ( i think everyone feels this way)
2. i am prlly gonna need someone to make a schedule for me and make calls for me and just tell me where to go when. haha oops selfish thought.

3. i like to get up early,when its dark and see the sunrise. its quiet. there's coffee. Its an innocent hour.

4. I dont like being manager because i never feel like i do a good enough job. i dont like letting people down and i dont like not being able to get everything done i need to.

5. i lovvvve my hair longer. i'm feeling extra creative with it. meaning, i'm going to get it done this week. officially.

6. i'm super lame. i wish all my friends were here in maryland sometimes.

7. i wish we could read each other's hearts like a book. i feel like i have so much to say but only so much time to say it.

8. timing is everything

9. i've decided i'm a morning person and a late owl. sometimes. haha. i like both. i just dont like the middle of the day. haha i'm an extremes gal.

10. the things i want and the things i NEED are different sometimes.

i hope youre having a great weekend. its the middle of my week. tomorow is yet another early morning, but my last one for a few days. holla.

if you wanna check out my new thang go to my youtube channel youtube.com/toriwithastar. nothing too exciting yet. just gonna sing.

loveyoumeanit.

twas.

september.

Somehow It became September 20th, 2010.

whhhhattt??

one of my favorite things about living at home is...

Grammy can do way more than she thinks. Today we made pie and stuffed peppers. What a good time together. She stresses because she thinks she can't do anything but its fun for her to walk me through making dishes that she's made her whole life. what a wonderful time.

This month i began teaching music to four year olds at a preschool in town. Putting music in simple terms is such a challenge. Most older kids and adults have some basic knowledge of musical concepts but to be one of the first to create an appreciation for music and a beginning knowledge of music to kids is such a gift i think. I really hope we can have some fun-so far it is so exciting to dance and sing and see who has a little more natural talent than others. you can see it soooo young. i LOVE that. i hope it can continue to develop!!!!

I'm still working at safeway. what a challenge. what an environment. sometimes i love it. sometimes i hate it. the end.

Church is also going sooo great. I love this Church and i really havent been able to say that for so long. The Pastor speaks truth in a way that everyone gets so much out of it and its the first church i've been to in forever that the people actually went there becuase of the preaching. Usually its either 1. the people or 2. the music. Everyone discusses the music,....but here people get a bigger picture and get a lot from the whole service. I lovvve being able to play there!

so...september. family. church. work. growing my hair out. ahhh. love. life. fall. pumpkinspicelatte.

loveyou.