Sometimes Christmas makes me cry

i'm emotional.

I have high highs and low lows.

I think sometimes i feel far too much and too deeply so i shut myself off and seem uncaring.

i need a middle ground.

Christmas is such a wonderful time and I'm a sucker for any Holiday movie, food, beverage, show, music, etc. Everything. I think what I love so much is the feeling of the holidays. Family loving a little more, friends caring a little more, Its cold outside so stores and homes are a little bit warmer, and theres plenty of hot chocolate to go around. mmmm. I can hear, smell, taste. and see Christmas everywhere.

I love that feeling. But then again, becuase thats such a high high, there comes the lows of realizing that I live an extravagent life. a life full of fun and laughs and jokes and time that i can do whatever i want. Yes, i work, but even at work, i'm not forced to get on my hands and knees for hours on end and do really hard stuff. Life is easy....

and that makes me sad. Why was i given so much?!! I dont deserve it. I disregard it and float by but what am i missing? Are the simplicites of a night spent on the ground by a dwindling fire and wondering where my next clean water is coming from, lost on me?! What do i do about that?!

Then i see adoption commercials on the tv and i cry. I just wanna fix the world. HOW DO WE FIX THE WORLD?!? Ok and i know that only the love of Jesus will save the world. cuz thats what we all need. SAVING. And i dont think it matters how rich or poor or extravagant or simple we are, we're all broken. I read somewhere that a lot of people dont want to accept Jesus as their saviour because 'they dont need a crutch' but if you're broken dont we need to be fixed!? Dont we need crutches if we cant walk on our own?! I love that idea that i read. We're all so lost and broken. But there is an answer.

And so i think thats why when i watch the news, my heart BREAKS. No matter the situation, people are desperate for saving, needing to be found and find a love that surpasses situation. ughhhghghhhh. THERE IS SUCH A THING AS PERFECT UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and its free.

I truly feel like love is the answer. Lately, my catchphrase is 'live love.' Our lives should be an expression of love. Someone said 'when you learn how to love, thats when you learn to live.' another song says 'and if you need love, take the time to be love'.

i need to live more like that. maybe that's how change the world. Replacing the uncaring, float by, easyway, and loving. loving a lot. loving unconditionally. listening. responding. helping. actually caring.

i dont know what a whole life like that looks like but i'm trying to find out.

hmm....

can you imagine deciding ON YOUR OWN to give up your one and ONLY son to die for a world that has forgotten how to love?!?!?!?! Or to be a 13 year old mom and have NOBODY believe that you were given a child from God himself, or the shame of Joseph for still wanting to marry that same girl?!?! it makes me wanna live life differently.

i'm not sure how i got from loving christmas to this topic, but i dont care. its blogging, people. hahah have a wonderful Christmas ok?! love somebody.