my thoughts. right now.

I think I'm beginning to change my views on life. yes, I think I am. And, I want to write these thoughts down so that I don't fall back into my trap of fooling myself with my old thoughts.

What right do I have to freak out about what life has for me? or rather, what God has for me? I've been so caught up in what people say i should be doing with my life and what I feel like I should be doing that I've forgotten that that is not what life is about. Like, I don't need to be planning my every move and deciding what I need to be doing for the next 20 years. My life is about today, not 34 years from now.

If God wants me to leave the country tomorrow, I'm going. If He wants me to be a Worship Leader in Texas, I'm going. None of this stubborness or lack of commitment. I love what I'm doing right now-even though its completely frustrating sometimes-I feel like its where I need to be. Mount Vernon. Mount Vernon. I can't believe I stayed and here and I can't believe I'm ok with it.


Also, what is life about? Achievement or People?

Taking the time to invest in people. What does that completely look like?

Its not what I want.

I really hope that these thoughts and feelings continue.

Then again, I wish I didn't have feelings sometimes. I'm so filled with emotion all the time. I've built up feelings towards certain things that I wish I could get out of my head. My head and my heart tell me two different things many times but I can only hear my head-which is stubborn and wrong a lot of the time. What is the truth?

I really have been enjoying getting to hang out with people more recently. I cried so much on move out day which is so unlike me. Is my apathy diminishing?! wow. Who am I and what am i becoming? And do I like it?

wow. i'm thinking a lot. but i think its a good thing. Lots of great stuff coming up this month. I'll try to keep you posted more than I have been. oops....