happy moments and paradise

Sometimes when I read a book.....wait, let me stop. I'm warning you. I get very caught up in stories. sigh...anyways...sometimes when I read a book and I finish it, my heart breaks. The book might end with two people falling in love or getting married (sorry, i read chicklit sometimes), and i read the last page, close the book, and my heart starts breaking. I can't decide if its because I've become too attached to the characters and I want to still be reading, or if its because I want a happy ending. If its because I want a happy ending, then shame on me. I dont believe that there is happy endings. I think there are happy moments and eventually a happy reunion in Paradise, but what is a happy ending? The stories "finish" but the people in the storie's lives continue (if they were real, haha). So, I think i'm latching onto what they're showing me is happiness-which isn't what my happiness is right now. But my heart still breaks. And recently (because of my caff-withdrawl) the breaking is lasting a few days. Actually, this is prlly because I just read yet another 15 book series. hahah... I'm dumb. But I loveeee stories.

I love love. I love moments. I love passion. I love learning and I love seeing relationships. Sue me ;)

Anyways, I just wanted to think through that. I'm sure there's more.

In other news, i did (yes) give up coffee and drinking caffeine for lent. Maybe I'll blog about lent and why I like lent but for now i'll simply say, I wanted to give up coffee because of two things. 1-i'm way toooo addicted. Its so unhealthy to be as addicted as I am. and 2. I wanted to show my suffiency on God and not on anything else. What a concept that I'm struggling with-as we all are. I am learning humans realllllly try to be sufficient on things.-themselves, substances, other people, achivements, moments, etc. I need to unpack that.

anyways....this withdrawl thing is kicking my butt. But i know, in the end, it will be a great thing.sigh. i know it. k?

i hope you're doing well and know that God made you beautiful the way that you are and you are made for a purpose. i believe that will all my heart. (yeah the broken one) ;)

more lata.





love.

What We Want by Linda Pastan

What we want

is never simple.

We move among the things we thought we wanted:

a face, a room, an open book

and these things bear our names --now they want us.

But what we want appears

in dreams, wearing disguises.

We fall past,

holding out our arms

and in the morning

our arms ache.

We don't remember the dream,

but the dream remembers us.

It is there all day

as an animal is there

under the table,as the stars are there

even in full sun.

from Waiting for My Life (1981)

lovvve this.

amidst the snow.

The snow is here. We have about 28inches.
.......more is coming tomorow. Probably 10-20 more inches.
epic.

My parents have been home for four days and probably will be here for the rest of the week.

I made a snow angel. There are pictures on facebook. Take a gander.

I don't feel so good this week. not discouraged though. just feel crappy.

Its Valentine's week. Its also the week of my grandma's birthday which of course..is Valentine's day! So, my grandpa is showering her with candy,chocolate,flowers,and balloons. very cute.

What else do I have to say?

Oh, i'm learning a lot about food, makeup/skincare, life, and music. interesting. I figured it was a good time to research and learn everything (hahah) while I'm home doing....nothing.

well, nothing really means I'm reading, writing, singing, playing a lot of piano, loving, starbucksing, trying to be healthy, etc. Its actually been quite cool to focus on things that aren't stressful for once. A big long break if you will...sabbatical???!?

I've been thinking about a lot of things but I have nothing profound or confusing to talk about.

ok. more later that actually means something :)

loveyouall. twas.